May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
