Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
