So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
