I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
