I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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