My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
