maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Welp...herpes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
