my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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