I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
