So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
