If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
