Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
