I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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