I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
