i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
