After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
