I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
