eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
