He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
