This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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