imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
