i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
