You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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