this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
