I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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