We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
