So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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