Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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