Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
