Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
