and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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