Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
