i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
