I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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