The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
