dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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