im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
