I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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