I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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