What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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