Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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