Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
