you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
