I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
