Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
