New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
