I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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