I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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