Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
