the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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