woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
is wine microwaveable?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
