i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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