I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
