I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
