I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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