Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
