i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
