Nicole vs. Life
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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