So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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