how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
