Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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