Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
