We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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