what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
