Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
