Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
