The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
