she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
