I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
