I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
