Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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