if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
