I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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