There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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