Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
