Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
