so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
